Mementos We Keep
by HaloFin17
Summary: The first time, Thor let it slip through his fingers. The second time, he left it behind. This time, he's not going anywhere without it. Minor AU for Thor's first meeting with the Guardians in Infinity War. Major spoilers!


**Summary:** The first time, Thor let it slip through his fingers. The second time, he left it behind. This time, he's not going anywhere without it. Minor AU for Thor's first meeting with the Guardians in Infinity War. Major spoilers!

 **Disclaimer:** Could I possibly take credit for that heart-wrenching mess which is Infinity War?

 **Author's Note:** This movie pretty much destroyed every emotion I've ever had. I'm quite seriously grieving right now, and my heart still doesn't know what to do with itself…except fall back on fanfiction, apparently. This was written on exactly four hours of sleep and a broken heart.

 **Mementos We Keep**

When Loki let go and fell from the Bifrost, nothing remained for Thor to mourn save the cold, empty place on the other end of Gungnir – and in his heart.

When Loki "died" in his arms on Svartalfheim, Thor left the body on a field of ash. Only in hindsight did he regret it. Had he gone back to look, only to come up empty-handed…would he have _known_ sooner? Would it have made any difference, in the end?

He will not leave without it this time. Perhaps, if enough of his tears fall on those lifeless cheeks, they'll finally stick. Loki's corpse, with the neck mangled and broken, was wrenched from his grasp when the ship exploded, but Thor knows it must still be out there. He should have clung to it more tightly.

The ragged assortment of characters who have found him obey his commands to venture back into the carnage and debris, although they clearly don't understand why. His voice must still carry the weight of kingship, even if there is literally nowhere and no one left for him to rule.

After a long search, Thor identifies his brother's body among the masses by its clothing, and again these "Guardians" indulge his orders to bring it inside the ship. Loki's eyes are still open, dim and unseeing, and Thor's remaining eye cannot see for tears as he closes them. The skin under his trembling fingers is cold as ice, yet it has nothing to do with Loki's Jotun physiology. This is dead flesh, plain and simple, suffering from exposure to open space.

 _The rightful King of Jotunheim._

Loki claimed that along with the rest of his titles: Odinson, Prince of Asgard, King of Jotunheim, God of Mischief. And all the while, he kept sneaking furtive glances at Thor as if to ask, "Are you proud of me, Brother? You, who believed I could be more than just a God of Lies?"

And Thor is proud, even as his soul writhes in the agony of all that had been lost. At the end of his life, Loki came to terms with all aspects of who and what he was.

 _You did well, Brother._

Loki died bravely and even saved his elder's life, much like he had done back on the Dark World. It was hardly necessary this time, for Thor knew nothing about the Tesseract. He could easily have died at Thanos' hands, never once suspecting any treason from his sibling. Apparently, the Trickster could "let sentiment burn" in all things – except for Thor.

Why couldn't Thor return the favor at least once, and be the one to sacrifice himself for Loki instead?

Behind the Thunderer, his rescuers are forgotten and blessedly silent. What they lack in understanding of their strange passenger, they compensate for with respect of his grief.

At long last, he chokes out, "Loki, I am so, so sorry! All this time… Why didn't you tell me he was coming for you? I could have…"

 _Could have what?_ a snide voice whispers inside his mind, and it sounds remarkably like Loki's. _Even at the height of your strength, you were no match for him. Instead, he made you_ watch.

The sob torn from Thor's throat is more of a raw groan this time, and he tips forward without shame until his forehead is resting against Loki's. The next words he whispers are not his own, and only now does he remember them, spoken in another time. It feels like an eternity has passed since then.

"Brother, please…never doubt that I love you."

Did Loki ever doubt? Thor would be a liar to say he never doubted, and now he'll never know if Loki did. He didn't say those words often enough when he had the chance, and therein lies a poisonous worm of regret that no weapon can beat into submission.

The God of Thunder will carry it for the rest of his days – the last, _undying_ keepsake from his thrice-dead baby brother.

 **Author's End Note:** Going in, I feared Loki's last words to Thor would be "never doubt that I love you," or something along those lines. To close the circle, if you will, with that alternate opening from the very first Thor movie. He didn't exactly have enough breath for that, so here I've got Thor saying it back to him instead. I presume the writers have a plan to "fix" at least some of what happened, and if it does involve time travel, I can only hope Loki will somehow be a part of it. For Thor's sake, as much as my own. Like the rest of us, our beloved God of Thunder is in a wretchedly miserable place right now; and if he survives past Part 2, he's going to need his brother.


End file.
